I know I know

I'm terrible on this blog. But this blog is meant to express my true feelings and in truth I was so tired of always thinking about food and weight and what I can and can't eat. Even though I don't always eat 3 times a day due to lack of time, energy, or money, I definitely still thought of food. So 3 meals a day, 365 days this year-that is too much time I spent thinking about something that should come naturally. Stressing unnecessarily. Spending unnecessarily. This challenge seemed to become a burden more than anything because there were many nights I went to bed hungry cause it was easier than trying to find food in the middle of the night when only fast food places were open. I don't regret it because it's good to know that I can stop eating it and it isn't an addiction for me any more. I really don't miss the food, just the convenience of it. I probably won't have it nearly as often anymore once the challenge ends in the new year but its good that I my options will be opening up for when I'm busy or it's late and fast food is the best option...none the less, I am so proud of my self for my victory in this challenge. I have not eaten from any fast food place in 1 calendar year as of 1/1/11. Yay me!

Bored

Okay, I don't remember if I said this in the beginning but I started this particular blog after seeing Julie & Julia-which was actually pretty boring but I really liked the concept that she decided to actively change her life by challenging herself and blogging to the world in order to keep her on task and with the goal in mind. This blog has not had the same effect on me. I feel like a fat whiney person just talking about food all of the time. Maybe it is because I have not committed to the underlying goal results which really was to lose weight. But if I put it on here and nothing happened, I would feel like a failure. Yes, I did quit fast food cold turkey. But I think I really wanted a lifestyle change that hasn't happened. I want to feel good in my own skin and while I think I am very attractive, there are things that I want to change for my own sanity.

Anyways...I don't know what else I could possibly say about food. That's why I don't post too often though. I still eat out a lot because I don't like cafeteria food and I am tired of sandwiches, noodles, frozen dinners, etc. So the whole money saving thing...I don't think that too much worked...we will see though as the year progresses. A new school year always brings new challenges and curve balls. So we will see.

Yeah I definitely gained weight

I was doing so well this spring and summer and two weeks here undoes everything. I refuse to let this happen. Even without a car I have to become creative and make this exercise thing work for me in spite of unfortunate weather and laziness. I have goals and they have to be met. I have to accomplish something of worth this summer and this is my project. No time for self-pity or anything else. Somehow I will make it work for me and my lifestyle and my situation.

I've gotten better

I am eating better. Well if cereal counts since that's practically all that I have. But I have been exercising daily and I plan to be healthy and lose the weight that I planned. I'm pretty pessimistic about it at this point cause nothing ever works but I got nothing better to do so....yeah. I guess I'm in it.

Its done.

Now I will do better...I have to.

I'm gonna eat the Ice Cream

and then start over.....ugh I suck at this.

The World is working against me

Not really, it's probably that I have so many restrictions in my life that I am subconsciously allowing myself to eat everything even though it is going against my goals. It is not good. But on the bright side I actually went to the gym yesterday and I feel the pleasant burn of weight loss in action yet not so intense of a burn that would say that I am in terrible terrible shape all over again. So hopefully I can get rides to keep this up. I need to lose weight. I will go crazy if I don't. I refuse to continue the gain that Philander has put me through and I refuse to stand idle and waste my youth trapped in this body. I want my life the way I want it and I am taking it back and I am starting with this ridding myself of this fat suit. I will toss the remaining ice cream and figure out away to fix this problem. I will work it out. I have to. Failure is not an option.

Confessions of a Fat Girl

So yeah...I'm getting huge. Almost the size of a house now. It's so frustrating that I am gaining. I don't know how I could eat healthier since my fridge still freezes my lettuce that I buy to make salads which is disgusting when it thaws...and also I haven't been to the gym in exactly 1 month yesterday. I am paying for a friggin gym membership and I have time to go I just don't have a way to get there which irritates me just to think about. And I have tried to go to the gym on campus to walk/run on the indoor track but of course that is the building they decide to lock like somebody is going to steal a bleacher that has been built into the building. I know that this sounds like just a load of excuses-it sounds like that to me as well but I dont know how I can fix it...and I'm terrified to do crunches and exercise in the building that they have me living in currently has the occasional roach ("waterbug") problems...I barely want to walk in there much less lie on the floor. So I am gaining weight cause this campus is so small and I don't get that many steps in per day and on top of that it is hot as -um well idk but it is too friggin hot to be walking around for long periods of time after 9 am on any given day...This is not gonna work for me. This car needs to come with a quickness.

Oh so hungry

I am frustrated. I have been in the room for forever it seems because I have no car and no food and I'm stuck. And that's how I feel about life in general right now. And even though I don't even want fast food I feel like if something doesn't change soon I will have to resort to that. I literally have apple sauce in the fridge. In all actuality it's other stuff that is stressing me out but being hungry and not being able to have something delivered and no way to cook or buy stuff to cook is not helping the situation at all. I need something in my life to go my way right now. And if I stare at these walls for too much longer I am going to go insane.

The Worst Thing Ever...

I think I need to go on a diet. I honestly don't know when the last time was that I went on a diet. I HATE the concept of diets. Stress yourself out by choosing to limit your own freedom and feeling guilty if you accidentally (or intentionally) fall off the wagon or just don't hit your goal weight after all that frustration. So it sounds dumb that I would even be considering it. But I really want to lose 30 lbs. I when I work out nothing really happens...maybe like 5lbs after forever. And last summer I worked out 4-5 days/week and gained 10 lbs. I'm not interested in gaining anything. Even if it is muscle. I want to lose weight then worry about building muscles...So maybe what I need is more control over what I eat. Not eating fast food is easy when I can eat anything else under the sun including things that are way more fattening like Mexican food, Seafood (with all the buttery drippings), plus fried foods and desserts...all which I love. Maybe it's time to say no to all things unhealthy for a month...or until school starts. Maybe the combination of working out and eating better will do wonders for me. I guess it shouldn't be hard since I have no car and no way to get food since all the people I hang out with work or have class most of the time. If I do start it will probably be tomorrow (of course) so I can get a last day in of eating whatever I want.

I'm a terrible blogger

Dear Blog,
Even though I have been so horrible to you, I still love you. And I'm still committed to the cause. Not a morsel of fast food has crossed my lips in the long while that it has been since I have spent time with you. I have been out of the country twice since we've last spoken-the Bahamas and a cruise to Mexico. It was amazing and oh so fun. But I ate and ate and ate. No fast food-because like I said before I am still with you like I promised. But I have not been healthy like I should have been because food was so readily available. And it is so rare that this happens because at school you have to make it happen when it comes to food. I haven't been good to you, haven't told you every detail like I should. But I think of you often. Maybe I'll get a smartphone so lack of internet can not be an excuse. Anyways I will do better. Oh and I was in a car alone that messed up and had to pull on the side of the road and my brother's friend (who is a manager at McDonalds) helped me out and he gave me a bottle of Dasani water since I was stranded in Texas heat. I did drink that. But drinks were always allowed from these places. And since I had to battle dehydration and I didn't pay for the water I don't count it as supporting the fast food place at all. So to clarify. I am still fasting fast food. And although drinks/desserts were permitted from the jump I have not had them either since the beginning of the fast.

I will blog more often.
Thank you for keeping me strong in this year long fast. I'm almost half way there.

Feels good

I am excited to say that "My name is Felicia and I have been without fast food for 4 months and 16 days." In the beginning when this i gave this challenge to myself, I really never thought I would go through with it. I think my will power has definitely increased since I don't consider fast food as an option. I have went to fast food places with friends and chose not to eat anything, ordered pizza for school events without sneaking a pepperoni, and I have been out and about and conciously decide to go all the way home to find a meal. I am proud of myself for how far I have gotten. I don't know if it was the fast food or winning the pageant but I am so at peace with myself. I feel good about where I am and where I am going physically and mentally. And although I don't know where I am going after graduation, I feel like I am up to the challenge of figuring out whats best for me in the long run. I am completely loving myself and it feels good...

The Ultimate Success

Today, for the first time since my fast food fast began, I went inside a fast food restaraunt. My roommate was buying gift cards for our SGA events this week. I was actually a little disgusted by the stuffy smell of a mixture of everything grotesque under the sun. I'm so proud of myself. The look of something at rally's was appealling, but I was not even tempted in the least. Fast food is officially not even apart of my wants anymore. I'm excited. This must be kinda what it's like to go from being a meat eater to a vegetarian. Go me Go!

I need to step my game up...For Real

Ugh...I was doing so good. But since the pageant I have been campaigning all the time so I haven't had much leftover time to go work out. I have been eating well so hopefully everything isn't completely undone. Now summer is coming up and I need to make sure that I don't get lazy and remain the same weight or gain weight during this break. I really want to lose at least 30 lbs this summer. I really don't know how feasible this really is but I guess you have to set a goal to try to achieve. I definitely need to do better.

Moving On

So I think that I have been doing really well with the whole eating better thing. It's almost coming naturally. I am proud of myself...and the pounds are shedding. Every woman's dream! Lol. Except the boy needs to get his cheesecake out of my fridge before I eat it all....that would be tragic

So I am happy that I have lost my first five pounds since I started working out. But, I went to the doctor and after X-rays were shot, they told me that I need physical therapy : ( my old bones. It's really hard because I'm on my own with so much right now and I really need someone to help but no one even knows I need it. And I don't know how to tell them. But I could really eat some boneless wings right now. I would love it. But..i guess I'll just eat noodles.

FYI

I am slowly going insane trying to keep track of what I can and can't eat...this is why I am so avidly against diets of all kinds in all forms. Ugh. I'm gonna lose my mind.

Bonus Challenge

I'm running for Miss Philander Smith College. So, for that I really need to lose a few lbs in the right places so that my dress-which is gorgeous by the way- will look amazing on the unforgiving stage. Which is unfortunate for my diet because that means in addition to the no fast food for the rest of the year, I cannot eat sweets or fried foods til after the pageant which is on April 10th. This is important...I really need to lose like 10lbs before the event...I wish the fast food fast had helped me lose weight already...although I think since I eat out so much due to these conferences and vacations and limited food possibilities has countered that... I will do better... I have to.

We'll See How It Goes

I'm understanding more and more why I love fast food...I am so tired of finding multiple meals every day. And my fridge is still being dumb so cereal, which is the most convenient-non fast food meal there is, is most times out of the question because I don't have time to wait for my milk to defrost-if I even bother to waste time/money buying milk and cereal anymore. Also, I'm so tired of sandwiches that I refuse to even buy bread and lunch meat for the time being...we will see how this works out. Right now it's just annoying and more hassle than it is liberating. One more week til spring break...I don't know how this is going to work out for real.

I've decided to make healthy decisions for lent. Overall, just actually trying to do what's best for myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. I think that is the point of lent anyways, so instead of just picking one thing to better myself I'll try to do a full turn around, and hopefully with that comes more peace.

Now that I'm back from New Orleans I can focus on that better. I did great at not getting fast food on the almost 7 hour drive there and back. Spring Break is only a week away...I need to figure out what I will do so I don't break the fast.

So.....

I have no idea what to give up for lent cause I usually give up fast food........so....I guess I should figure it out since it started today...

Sacrifices Yield Rewards

I made spaghetti yesterday and it was wonderful. If nothing else, this fast will allow me to explore new food options within my limits. When I actually make a meal, it is filling and I don't feel disgusting or bloated or drained to a point where I am no longer good for anybody.

It's been slightly difficult though since we had two snow days from school just after the weekend. Don't get me wrong, I loved it. But at times I was stir crazy and just wanted to get something so I wouldn't be in the room all day. I realized when I don't have much to do in a day I have too much time to sit and think about what I can't do and what I can't eat. But, that's just a personal problem I need to fix. I do have another conference coming up. So that will be another obstacle that I have to face. And just two weeks after that is spring break.

Tough days up ahead, but as long as I have spaghetti like yesterday, I know I can enjoy being without fast food.

SuperBowl Sunday

My friends and I are the biggest kids ever. We had so much fun watching the SuperBowl. During half time we went to the grocery store and bought three different half cakes, cinnamon rolls, and ice cream...thats so pathetic but it was hilarious and we all suffered from a sugar coma. We also missed most of the third quarter, but anywho it's the SuperBowl! You're supposed to pig out...we also had the typical wings and punch...No i didn't break the fast, I ate in the caf. How unbelieveable is that! Me and the caf...but they actually had football food which you can't really mess up...it wasn't the best but it was tolerable and they had paper plates so I didn't have to use the gross dishes....dont get used to me going there. It's still not a real option for getting food.

Cajun Pasta

I had an amazing meal at chillis last night. I wasn't supposed to be spending money until after the tenth, but I am so tired of water and sandwiches. No body should have to eat the same meal twice a day for ten days in a row...it's awful. But the break was well worth it. And I had no fast food. It's kinda just annoying now cause I don't have any full/real meals...So the financial fast is wavering, last night was my only real slip, but I'll try to get back on the wagon for the final four days. But the fast food fast is still kickin.

Ugh

Days like today is the reason why I am doing this fast. I'm doing so much that when I go off campus to pick up supplies it's all to easy to just stop at Taco Bell or something and eat it in the car while I rush to class. I'm glad I held strong but the end of this year seems so far away...this sucks so much.

1/12th...

...of the way down! I cannot believe that it is a whole month in to 2010. It has been an amazing month free of a habit that was burdening me. I didn't even have any drinks (slushes, shakes, smoothies) from a fast food place which is allowed during the fast. I did a whole month without even being tempted to break my fast. And I'm elated! Go me! Lol.

Dreaming of You

This is extremely weird, but I had a dream last night that I ate some KFC, or taco bell, I really don't remember. The crazy part is that I don't even like KFC like that. Even in my dreams there is this struggle, when or if I eat out, with having to decide if the restaraunt falls into the fast food category. It would suck to accidentally break my fast due to a technicality that I wasn't aware of at the time. But this is not even the first dream of the sort that I have had in the past week. Maybe I didn't eat much yesterday, or maybe I am not eating enough in general, but I feel like the fattest fat kid ever when I have a dream about food.

When I did a month only drinking water back in September, I had dreams that I drank juice of various sorts over the course of that month. So maybe it's just my subconscious mind worrying about breaking my commitment. Or since there has been no time at all during my day to even think about picking up a burger from somewhere, I am just indulging in a place that will allow me to enjoy without becoming a failure....idk.

I'm not at all worried about breaking my commitment, because failure is not an option. It would be so lame to fail at something as controllable as what I choose to put in my mouth.

The Pit

Now I know that I should not eat food from the pit that often, but I get so tired of eating sandwiches...the frozen dinners are gone and I'm tired of buying more and I'm tired of eating them also. It is too expensive to buy for only one person. You only get deals when you buy in bulk, but buying pre-cooked meals add up too quick. Since I don't have to pay for food on Tuesday and Thursday nights if I go to the pit, it's a very tempting offer, however, I know that is not the type of food I need to be eating that regularly. So, I really don't know what I'm going to do because it is only January still. I am not even 1/12th of the way through. 339 days.

Dang. I shouldn't have put it in days cause that seems like forever.

Update

So yesterday, a few of my friends and I went to Pentacle Mountain. Let me just say that I was deceived. I was told is was practically a hill it was so small, so I suggested to go. Once we got there we could only find one trail and it happened to be very difficult. So we start climbing and it was okay but too many rocks for my taste since I thought there would be a smoother trail and I was wearing walmart sneakers, bad idea. Then, we got to a point where it was 100% boulders. We actually climbed a mountain- I definitely hadn't planned on it since I have never hiked, camped-or anything of the sort. But, it was definitely worth the climb. We only went up 80% of the way up since we were all novices and were concerned about how we were going to get back down. I love being on the top of a mountain. That has always been my favorite place to be and it's so calming and humbling. The absolute perfect place to be. I really want to go back and go all the way to the top. And hopefully I won't hurt my ankle like I did yesterday. Or get lost like we did on the way down...but thats another story completely.

I know that has nothing to do with food but when you focus on things other than the thing that typically takes all your attention, that's when you can find some clarity. However, I am on day four of my financial fast and I'm really feeling it...well I miss not spending money whenever I feel like it but the book is really enlightening. It's a good read, but in addition to that, I really think every chapter kind of convicts you in a different area of spending...I recommend it to everyone. For real...

So needless to say, I definitely have not eaten fast food in the past few days, since I can't spend basically any money that is not on necessities. I'm definitely over the appeal of fast food. I just wish I had a kitchen because I get tired of eating sandwiches and frozen dinners...and my milk is still frozen solid in my dumb fridge.

I need a real meal...ugh after this year I may end up hating lunch meat and noodles altogether. That would be bad since I still have another year of school left.

I eat because I'm empty...

Sometimes it just feels like I'm not doing enough, but there's no way I can fix it. I can't afford a car. I hate borrowing and driving other people's cars. I'm so busy and so tired all the time, but at night I have to make myself stay awake so I won't wake up super early or just lay in bed staring at the wall.

Food really does nothing for me. I know it's wierd, but I really never get hungry. Ever. I say I'm hungry-cause it seems appropriate, like when I haven't eaten all day or something. I don't eat often either. It's really strange. But, I'll find myself snacking when I can't figure out anything better to do, especially at night. I really wish I could do more, but I don't know how or when....maybe my problem is much bigger than just not eating fast food and saving cash...

Idk

Day 21/21 days

They say it only takes your body a week to break a habit, but it takes your mind three weeks, 21 days, to make the change complete. Well, tomorrow, I will be at day 21-when I will officially be over any tie that I had to the fast food industry. I still don't miss it and I love having more money in my pocket.

Unfortunately, I do have a problem. My fridge is freezing everything-its awful. I miss breakfast most days because my milk freezes over night even though it's on the lowest setting. You never realize how bad frozen things can be until you try to eat salad with frozen lettuce, make a sandwich with frozen lunch meat and frozen pickle chips, and drinking frozen apple juice to wash it down. Ugh.

On a more positive note. I love Bless the Mic...of course because I'm over them-but I have never missed one since I started college. Anyways, Michele Singletary came to Philander today and she was great! It was all about money management so that was cool. She was funny but delivered a solid message that is easy to implement into daily life. So I, being the crazy person I am, decided to take up her challenge-in addition to my current challenge- to not use a credit/debit card, shop at a mall, no fast food(which I was already doing of course), and only buying necessities for 21 days. I'm down. I can do it. I can do anything-plus the no fast food thing is slowly becomming a way of life so I needed something new to stir into the pot.

I was already saying that I was going to put away my cards and have a cash allowance-this makes it even better. I am good.

February 10th will be day 21.

I wasn't sure if I was going to post this because it is kind of embarrassing and extremely sad. But I think I need to in order to stay completely on track with this seemingly endless endeavor. In the last four months of last year, that is 120 days, I bought fast food 50 times! This is insanity...practically the definition of addiction. Just about every other day I purchased fast food, and this number doesn't include when I actually ate fast food that somebody else bought for me or all the times I went out for dinner-which I also did regularly. I spent so much money on food alone in the past four months that I need to start regulating my money where it is being wasted the most. The only thing is that it is hard to consider spending money on food wasteful. Somehow, I have to find a balance that I can live with.

I guess thats why this month has been a little frustrating. I have not eaten any fast food, but I have gone to a good amount of dine in restaraunts just because there is so much going on this month. From the going away dinners to two of my close friends having their birthdays just over a week apart and not to mention the DC trip. So, after tomorrow, hopefully, I will be able to stop eating out so much all together...no promises on that one though. But I will try.

I got so spoiled!

My trip to DC for a conference was a like a dream! Dream hotel with perfect furniture and showers, dream food-full meals from lebanese to chinese to italian to french-my stomach was always full...and the best part is that it was free! Well sort of-we got per diems. I was joyriding on the metro in the down time between poster sessions and presentations. In addition to getting to eat out at nice restaurants free to me, I got to snack on amazing-ness that Little Rock does not sell. While I have nothing to complain about regarding the trip, I feel awful my first full day back because I'm back to eating ramen noodles and granola bars. I like the limited foods that I can have here but it is horrible that my diet consists only entirely of carbs or starches because thats the only thing that I can make without a stove....depressing. And its only day 14....

I may have to pick up writing on this more so I don't renig on this challenge already...it's good that I finally have regular internet now

The Longest Beginning Ever

With everything starting-new year, new semester, new job-everything. It just feels like the semester has already been in for more than just nine days. I think it will be a long one. The commitment to avoid fast food is surprisingly easy. No cravings, and half the time commercials and bill boards don't even look tempting. The only slightly difficult part is when my boss is offering to buy lunch from various places and I have to continuously decline...I don't want to start sounding anorexic or anything. But other than that-im good cause it is so cold out side that I would be okay starving if it means that I can be warm inside lol.

The money part is okay. I've actually went out to a sit down restaraunt twice this year already. I wish it wasn't so much since it is only day 9 in the year, but this month is kind of difficult. I had a good bye dinner with my friend back home, a birthday celebration for a friend two days ago, my roommate's b-day is next week, and I'm going out of town tomorrow for four days-it seems nearly impossible to just eat my little frozen dinners or sandwiches cause something is always coming up-for this month at least. Everything will calm down a little after the 17th so we will see.

Even with all of the unfortunate things that have happened recently, I'm still hoping for the best this year. I want things to be great-and I'm going to try my best to make the best out of every situation I'm put in.

I got back to school yesterday. All I have to say is-I'm STARVING! Working an 8 hr day and going to class reminds me why I ate fast food so much. It's so convenient. This morning I didn't even think about eating something cause I'm so used to just picking something up during the day. So 5 hours into the work day I actually realize how hungry I am, but I don't want to go all the way back to my dorm just to make a sandwich or heat up a frozen dinner-so I just go without....Until I finally get off at 5:30 only do jet back and make a sandwich before heading to my night class. 

On the bright side though, it's so cold here anyways so I would rather not go outside at all-especially to have to go drive far for school. That does make me want to keep a stocked fridge. Although it's kind of tough to keep a fridge stocked with dorm friendly foods. So basically i just have a few frozen dinner-since the freezer is small-and cereal, sandwiches, and noodles...exciting food opportunities...can you hear the sarcasm?

So Far, So Good

So...real food is amazing. Lol. I the past few days I have been experimenting with meals combinations in the kitchen and it's so cool. Makes me wish I had an apartment. But, while I have access to an oven/stovetop, I will eat great tasting food that is actually good for me. Yesterday, my brother and I made a cornish hen with broccoli and baked potato- pretty good for people that don't cook often. Before this year started, I don't think I cooked a full meal in probably almost three years.

I might tackle the honey glazed ham today. Fast food is long forgotten, and

I'm lovin' it.

1 down, 364 to go

So, I was hungry all day yesterday. Not because I was craving fast food, because we didn't have any food in the house. When we finally got the car working we went to see Avatar, and finally after that long -but great- movie we went to get groceries. The convenience of fast food is especially high when you don't already have a house with fully stocked fridges and pantries. Most fast food isn't even exceptionally good or anything. It's just good enough to make it worth the money you're spending in that moment, and it definitely leaves you full for a good while, which is what most people want.

My brother thinks that I didn't spell out the challenge and make it plain as day so there will be no wiggle room whenever I really start wanting it down the road. So here it goes,

I consider it fast food if:

1. It has a dollar menu;
2. The person taking your order asks if you want to make it a combo, or upsize the meal for 50 cents;
3. There is a kids meal with a toy;
4. It has value meals;
5. It has five dollar footlongs : ( ;
6. You expect your food within five minutes of placing the order and/or
want a complimentary dessert if you have to wait;
7. It is sold at the mall (regular malls, not the ritsy ones);
8. The fried chicken doesn't have an option of some type of soul food side;
9. It's pizza from anywhere other than Olive Garden;
10. It has a drive through.

Sadly, this includes my delicious breakfast tacos-potato/bacon/cheese...That's probably the only thing I will miss.

Happy New Year!!

Alright- and so it begins...365 days without eating fast food. Let me clarify what my challenge is. My goal is to go one calendar year with out eating any meals from a fast food joint. As of now, I can have shakes and drinks since I don't get those too often anyways. I probably wont get those either for a while, but my problem is with always going out to get a quick meal, so that's what has to change. Who knows, maybe I'll go a whole year without the shakes and drinks too, but right now thats kind of alot for me to take on.

Since I live off of scholarships and grants anyways, getting rid of this constant expense should allow me to start saving for something bigger and better. I heard a story about a man who bought a four wheeler after he quit smoking with the money he saved by not buying cigarettes over a period of time, and I've thought of doing something similar...since fast food is probably the closest thing to cigarettes that I've ever tried.

That last slice of pizza did me in. The thought of actually going through with this challenge made me go over board. I have done month long fasts from QSRs, but this year long pledge seems so much harder because I really don't like denying myself anything if I don't have to. But I think it is good, every now and then, to test your strength and will power, and what better time to start then the present. 2010 will be free of greasy, heavy, fatty, and costly fast food.


I'm raising my Coca Cola glass with Martinelli's apple cider and toasting to a new beginning.