But I stopped myself. I remembered how many times I've wanted to start, rationalized reasons for why I could postpone starting this, and how awful I felt because I didn't just stick to it. The most horrible feeling in the world is knowing that you had 100% control over the situation and you still didn't do what needed to get done. So, instead of driving to a fast food restaurant, I drove to the grocery store. It is farther away but the quality of food is so much better and I will have food for many more days. That way I won't have to go through this situation every day. I just removed the excuses by filling up my fridge with healthy alternatives with just 2 "healthy junk food" items. Eventually, I think I'm moving toward a primarily paleo type lifestyle when it comes to food preferences. So essentially the "healthy junk food" is other food items from the natural foods section of the grocery store, but not paleo.
I'm glad that I started today. My hopes aren't just for a 90 day challenge check mark, like it was when I did the 1 year fast food fast in 2010. I want to actually adopt healthy habits. I want to undo the damage that I've done with years of eating deep fried, processed garbage so that I will feel better on the inside. I want to clear my sinuses and have quality sleep, every single day. And dang it, I want to lose this excess weight. Above all, I want it to stick. I don't want to do this yoyo, back and forth, change with the wind lifestyle when it comes to something as important for health. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Thinking about initiating change has taken up too much brain space for too long. It's long past time for action. I need that brain space for new ideas.
Today was a good day. A day to reframe the rest of my life. Day 1.
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