in the process of creating any life change I feel are days 1, 3, 7, and 30. In my case with healthy eating habits, it is sooo hard to get started. Scratch that. It is the easiest thing to actually do. What is hard is telling yourself no in that moment of decision making. So while I wake up each morning with the best of intentions, by the time my break rolls around at work I: 1) am so bored that I need to get out of the building for my own sanity; and 2) am not interested in eating a cold/lukewarm meal in the break room while people still chat to you about work since you're there...it is not appealing. But if I eat out it is either expensive, unhealthy or both. I don't know a way around this besides eating a salad every. single. day. Bore. And this is coming from someone who eats the same foods all the time anyway. But somehow eating a cold salad at my slow paced job just makes me want to cry. Seriously, it's punishment not having any of your senses stimulated. It's kind of dim, cold, quiet, and tasteless food is just too much. I'm sure I need to experiment with various foods to have some lunch variety. Or just bring healthy food to snack on during the day like raisins and nuts then eat my main meals at breakfast and dinner...something. All I know is I am on the verge of cutting up my debit card. Because since my bank is not where I am locally it will make it harder to just constantly swipe and buy food. I would have to use checks and money would leak out a lot slower.
But anyways, for me it seems the hardest day is committing to that first day to start. Next day 3 sucks because by then you kind of start detoxing out all the junk. For someone like me who eats fast food very often I feel irritable and sad and start questioning "why I'm doing this to myself" and why I can't do the moderation thing like everyone else. But clearly moderation doesn't work for me. It's the end of September and I'm still struggling to get a good start. My birthday is in just over a month and I already feel disappointed in myself because I'm still dealing with something I told myself I wasn't going to do anymore on my last birthday. I even asked my mom not to make me a huge breakfast or a delicious birthday cake so I can start being healthy. And for what. To end up worse one year later because I just can't tell my self no in this one area.
Day 7 is hard because I feel like I've made it through the worst of it all so I feel like I can snack on junk with out it having a major effect...which of course is false, and causes a complete relapse to the beginning of the cycle. And day 30. I'm completely happy with my accomplishment and go to eat something unhealthy because the challenge is "done." The junk food no longer tastes as good as it did in my mind. My body feels sick from the many additives that are in the foods and my mind is almost sad that something that was once a favorite now feels like a punishment. So I try it again and again until I start to taste the goodness that I once knew. Ever so slowly picking up the pieces of the bad habit I was desperately trying to bury. And once again I am in the position of finding the best day 1 to start again. Only this time with my mind actively fighting against me. Taunting me of memories of great food that I can have just one more time before I begin again...
Masters grad still struggling with elementary problems.
Hashtag pathetic.
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